Under Amanda's Control
by Dark433angel
Summary: The only thing Alex ever wants is to protect the ones she loves. But after Amanda does something to her, she becomes the source of their pain. Will all pain make Alex finally break? I do not own anything from Nikita.
1. Chapter 1

Some people say that watching your loved ones get hurt is the hardest thing, but they never became the cause of the pain.

Alex popped in another painkiller and swallowed. She knew that she needed to stop but why? These were only thing keeping all the pain away. "Alex we need you in operations right away," she heard Nikita say from her earpiece.

Alex closed the bottle she didn't have time to put it anywhere else so she just shoved it in her pocket. She started to head to communications, but started to get a little drowsy. Her vission was starting to get blurry. She leaned on the wall and shook her head. She couldn't believe that it had come to this, but it didn't matter she needed them more than anything right now. With no Sean, no mother, and being wanted by the Russians; she needed some way to forget all about it.

When she got to communications Nikita, Michael, Owen, Fletcher, and Birkoff were talking about the new mission. "We found Amanda", Nikita told Alex, "she's hiding out in a mansion in Berlin, Germany. We're going to head out there and take her out". Nikita briefed everyone on the mission, the mansions blueprints, and each of their assignments. "This might be our only time we have the element of surprise, we cannot let this slip through our fingers.

They all suited up. While Nikita and Michael prepared their firearms, Alex slipped another pill and put the bottle in her bag. She went to prepare her electronic 9mm Birkoff prepared for her, when her eyes started to get blurry again. She felt a little faint. Nikita looked over, "Are you okay?" she asked Alex

"I'm Fine".

"Are you sure you're going to be able to go on this mission".

"Nothing is going to stop me from putting a bullet in the back of Amanda's head", Alex said.

Nikita saw the rage in Alex's eyes. It reminded her of before when nothing meant more to her then putting a bullet in Percy's head. Alex almost fainted and fell back onto a chair. Her vision was fading and she began to sweat. She was starting to lose feeling in her feet. Nikita was trying to help her, "Alex I think you should stay here for this mission".

Alex slapped her hand away. "NO! You're not going to keep me off this mission. I have just as much right to be on this mission as you do"!

"You need to stay here. You can barely stand. Stay here, we don't have time to argue. While were gone let the doctors see what's going on with you".

Alex said nothing and walked away. She knew there was no point in arguing with Nikita. Once Nikita had her mind set there was no way anyone was going to change it, everyone did say Alex was the next Nikita, so nothing was going to change her mind on going on this mission.

As the team began to board the jet that would take them to Berlin, Alex snuck on the jet and hid behind some crates. The jet began to take off, "Wait, Alex isn't her yet," said Owen.

"She's staying behind."

Owen was confused. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah... She's just fine."

Owen could tell she was lying. For some strange reason he began to worry. He didn't like knowing that something might be wrong with Alex. "Once we land I need you to take Alex's job" she explained to Owen.

"Yeah I got it".

The plane landed and the mission began. Alex peaked out from behind the crates and saw everyone run off the jet. Now was her time to act. She got up and snuck off the plane. She saw Nikita and the group was trying to sneak into the mansion, so she snuck to the other side of the mansion. She saw a camera and shot it with a bugged bullet. Birkoff designed it to hack into the security system once shot into a camera. She saw what every camera saw, so she was able to maneuver through the mansion without being seen by the security.

Once she got inside she saw Nikita was just in the next room. She got worried. What would Nikita do if she found out she was here to. All of a sudden she saw a guard about to walk into the room Nikita was in. Alex knew this was her chance to get ahead of Nikita. While Nikita was taking out the guard Alex snuck past and headed to the elevator for the basement. She saw some guards rush out of the elevator. She hid and waited for them to pass. He knew that if they were in hurry that meant they knew Nikita was here. As the elevator was closing Alex hurried in. She pressed the button to bring the elevator to the lowest level. She was shaking again she knew she shouldn't take another pill but she needed it. So she took another one. As she swallowed it, she only had one left. At that point she could tell she was almost as bad as she was before.

She arrived at the lowest level. She had her gun ready and was prepared for the worst. She went through the house shooting at every guard that came her way. She arrived at what she was sure was the room Amanda was in. She prepared herself for whatever Amanda might do to trick her.

Alex slammed the door open "Amanda!"

"Hello Alex," Amanda sat there at her desk, as proper as she always is.

"It's time you paid for everything you've done".

"I don't think so Alex. You see, you're probably using an electronic weapon. This room emits an electric current that cancels any electric weapons".

Alex tried to fire her gun but nothing happened. She started to get worried, but she knew she didn't need a weapon to take out Amanda. Alex threw down the gun. She ran towards Amanda and tried to punch her but Amanda just dodged it like it was nothing. Amanda punched Alex in the face. "I thought Michael taught you better."

This just Alex even more enraged. Alex kicked Amanda as hard as she could, but it was nothing for Amanda. Alex was starting to feel faint again. She fell to her knees. Her body was beginning to shake. She took the pills out of her bag with the little strength she had. "What's this," Amanda took the bottle, "I knew with Nikita doing her goodie goodie act you would eventually fall off the wagon. But if you suffering caused Nikita to suffer then who would am I to deny that".

Amanda tossed the bottle on the floor in front of Alex. Crawled to the bottle and took the last two pills with her hands shaking. She took a deep breath and her body began to calm down. "I'm surprised you didn't notice, I guess I shouldn't be considering you're a druggy again."

"Notice what" Alex questioned.

"You took an extra pill."

Alex started to worry what was going to happen to her if the pills didn't mix well

"Don't worry it wasn't a drug. It was much worse it's a small capsule filled with poison. By now it's attached itself to your stomachs wall. It will only go off if I simply press this button." She showed a small switch.

"Go ahead, there's no way I would ever help you. I'd rather die right here."

"O I know. But your life isn't the only one on the line."

Alex was confused. Amanda walked over to her desk and made a huge screen behind her turn on. Alex's heart dropped. She didn't know what to do. The screen showed Sean, how could she fight against her if she would kill the only man that loved the real her. "You would be suspired how off guard he is at some points," Amanda gloated. "So are you going to do what I say or watch the one you love die".


	2. Chapter 2

Alex had no choice, no matter how much she hated it, she had to do what Amanda says. "This is going to be a fun partnership. For starters put this in your ear". Amanda handed an ear piece to Alex.

"I'll do what you say for now, but if you so much as think of hurting Sean, you're going to wish you had ended me here and now".

"But Alex that would be no fun. The only way to make Nikita suffer is to make you suffer".

Alex just glared

"Now Alex I know you're not here alone, so tell me who else is here with you."

Alex paused. She thought about Sean, "Nikita, Michael, and Owen".

"Obviously they don't know you're here, or they would have busted down the door by now… So now you're going to sneak back to division as if this never happened. Tell anyone about this and you know what will happen." Amanda smirked, "we'll keep in touch".

Once Alex got back to Division she went straight to the infirmary and to the pill cabinet. She picked up the container, and just stared. These little capsules caused so much trouble. A tear streamed down her face. It's all her fault Sean might die. All because she had to have them Amanda controls her. She threw the bottle at the glass cabinet. It shattered into pieces, glass was everywhere. Tears rolled down her face. There was no way out of this. "Are you okay?'' Owen asked worried. "What happened in here?"

Owen looked at Alex wrist it was bleeding. Alex hadn't noticed she was to mad to feel the pain. "Let me see your wrist." Owen rushed over and grabbed some towels. He put the towels on her wrist. "What happened?"

He noticed the bottle of pills next to the broken glass. "Are you taking pills again?" He noticed the tears on Alex's face, "it's okay no one will know. If anyone asks I'll just tell them the regimen got to me for a moment". He started to stitch her wound up. "It's going to be okay".

He slowly wiped the tears away from Alex's face. Alex looked at him for some strange reason all her problems went away. All of a sudden both of them closed their eyes and started to move closer slowly. They were about an inch away. Alex had forgotten about everything. But all of a sudden she thought of Sean and how she was the reason he was in trouble rushed back to her thoughts. Alex moved away, "Thanks".

With her wound all patched up she quickly left the room. Owen stood there, he was close to kissing her but he thought she might not have moved on from Sean, but then he thought maybe he hasn't moved on as well.

As Alex started to walk over to her room when she suddenly ran into Nikita, "Hey I've been looking everywhere for you are you feeling better?"

"Yeah I'm fine".

"Alex come in, it's Amanda. It's time for your first task. Tell me when you're alone" Alex heard from her earpiece.

"What happened to your wrist?" Nikita questioned Alex.

"It's nothing I was just training. I got to go". Alex tried to walk away, but Nikita grabbed her arm.

"You know I took you off the mission because I didn't want you to get hurt"

"I know, it's fine." Alex yanked her arm back, and quickly walked away.

Nikita watched as Alex walked away. What was going on in Alex's head? Was there to much pressure on her, Is she going to turn into the old Alex.

Alex finally got back to her bedroom in division. "I'm alone," she told Amanda back.

"Good. I'm glad to see you cooperating, but just in case don't forget I have your little boy toy. Well, as long as you do everything I say that is. Now for your first task I want you to send me the location of Nikita's house at the moment, and don't try to tell me she stays at division. We both know no matter who's in charge she won't stay there for long, especially now that she's engaged... I'll be waiting". The earpiece went silent.

Alex's heart started to race she knew she had to choose between Nikita and Sean. Her anger started to come back. Her fists started to tighten. But she calmed down, she knew that if she didn't send Amanda the address she would kill Sean. She knew she couldn't send it to her inside division, or Birkoff would just track it so she went to a library. She knew no one would pay attention to a message being sent from a library. She sat down at the computer. She started to contemplate whether she should send it or not. I she does this she basically is giving a chance to kill Nikita, but if she doesn't Sean will die and so will she. Her fingers slowly started to glide across the keyboard. She knew with every letter she typed was a step closer to Amanda killing someone. With every bit of emotional strength she had she pressed send.

It was done there was no going back now. She had become Amanda's slave.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex went back to Division. She couldn't believe what she had done. She just betrayed the person who helped her more than anyone else had ever done, but what choice did she have. "Where have you been?" Birkoff asked, "Nikita was looking for you".

Alex's heart sank. "Where is she?"

"I think she's at her house with Michael…"

Before Birkoff could finish Alex ran out off. She knew Amanda was controlling her, but no way on earth was she going to go down without a fight. Alex went to the Armory and quickly grabbed a sniper and a bag of bullets. She had to get to Nikita and Michael quickly. SCREECH! The tire of the motorcycle Alex took, skid across the street. She weaved in and out of traffic. Nothing was going to slow her down. Every second she wasn't there was another second her family might get killed. She got to Nikita and Michael's beach front house just in time. Amanda's Russian agents were beginning to head inside.

Alex had set up the sniper about a half mile away. The way the night covered the area, she was practically invisible. She looked in the scope and saw Nikita and Michael having dinner. Then the Russian began to move in. Nikita dove behind a counter. Michael flipped over the table and used it as cover. She could see Nikita scream to Michael. Alex was able to read Nikita and Michael's lips. "Michael! How did they find us?"

Bullets were flying everywhere inside. Nikita took a pistol out of her boot. Michael took a pistol out from underneath the table, which he had hidden there. Nikita and Michael started to fight back. There were so many of Amanda's goons, but somehow they managed to hold them off.

All of a sudden one of the Russians managed to sneak up on Nikita and knock the gun from her hand. Nikita kicked the hand out of his hand. They went into a brutal fight. "Nikita!" Michael yelled.

He stopped shooting and went to go help Nikita. All of a sudden, a gun was fired and blood was all over the floor. Michael was shot in the side. Nikita took her focus off of her enemy for a second and saw Michael fall to the floor. She got kicked in the stomach and thrown against the wall. He took out a knife and with all his might he swung the knife at Nikita… Blood was everywhere. Before the knife even touched Nikita, he was shot. Alex had fired a bullet and it went straight into the back of his head. He fell over, onto the floor motionless. Nikita was confused, but quickly rushed over to Michael. Alex was covering her. She shot every single one of them that came close to Michael and Nikita.

The Russians numbers began to dwindle. They started to retreat after only ten of them were left. Once they were gone Alex zoomed in on Michael and Nikita. There was blood all around Michael. Tears were coming down Nikita's face as she took out her phone. Alex's eyes began to water. She couldn't believe it came to this. Nikita took out a phone and began to dial. Alex was certain she was calling Division for help. She didn't want to be seen so she packed everything up and left. The whole time Alex was heading back tears were falling. If Michael dies it's all her fault. A few minutes after she arrived back at Division, Nikita arrived. Michael was on a stretcher and being rushed right into the operating room. "Hurry! We might not have that much time left. Start operating right away," one of the Doctors said almost out of breath. "You're going to have to wait here," he said to Nikita.

Alex looked over and saw Nikita was crying. Blood was on her shirt from Michael. Alex wanted to comfort her, but how could she look her in the eyes knowing it's all because of her. Alex punched the wall with all her force. She could feel one of her knuckles break. The pain didn't matter to her. She knew she had to find a way to stop Amanda. She couldn't go on betraying her family.

The main thing for her to do was to get Amanda's leverage off of her. She had to free Sean… But if she did she would die. That was when she realized no matter what she did she would die, either physically die or emotionally.

The only thing she could do was prepare for the right moment when Amanda needed her. For now she would do her best to figure out a plan based on what she knew. She didn't know much, but barely knowing anything was better then nothing. But before she could do anything Birkoff ran up to Alex. "What happened? Who's hurt?" he said worried.

"I don't know. I just saw Michael get rushed into the operating room".

He paused, "Did he look bad?"

Alex said nothing and just looked at the floor. "How's Nikki?" He asked.

"She's over there," Alex turned around and looked at Nikita sitting on the floor worried.

Birkoff went to Nikita and tried comforted her. Nikita hugged him and began to cry. "How did they find us? I thought our house was masked."

"I don't know how they found it, but I'll find out what happened," Birkoff assured her.

"Alex we need to talk NOW," Amanda told her in the earpiece.

Alex left medical and went to her room. "So Alex, when my troops went to Nikita's house they were an inch away from killing her… When my troops said Nikita had reinforcements. But that's funny why would she have reinforcements if she didn't know. Did you forget what would happen if you betrayed me?!"

Alex could Sean in the background yelling in pain. "Stop!" Alex yelled. "It won't happen again just STOP!"

"You're lucky I still have more plans. But starting now, anymore little slip ups result in the immediate termination of you and your special Sean".

The earpiece went quiet. Alex fell to her knees. Tears were hitting the floor. She knew Amanda wasn't bluffing. She would kill Sean without hesitation. What was she going to do?...


	4. Chapter 4

Someone knocked on Alex's door. She wiped away the tears and took a deep breath. When she opened the door Nikita was standing there. She walked in. she was too quiet. This scared Alex. "They said Michael his head when he fell. He has a small concussion, and when he wakes up..." Nikita paused. She turned away, Alex could tell Nikita was trying to fight away her tears.

"They said when he wakes up he might not remember anything." Nikita said with a shaky voice.

Nikita put her had to her mouth and started to cry. Alex couldn't stand seeing Nikita like this, she knew it was wrong to comfort her, but Alex walked over to Nikita and hugged her. Every tear drop that fell on Alex's shoulder felt like a ton being put on her shoulders. "Nikita?" Alex said

"Yes?"

Alex looked down, "Never mind".

"Alex promise me, that no matter what happens I'll never lose you".

Alex paused for a second. "I promise".

Two days passed since Amanda last talked to Alex, but to her every moment felt like a decade. She didn't know when or where Amanda would contact her. She couldn't sleep knowing everything was that was going on. It was starting to get to her. Did Nikita find out? What happens when she does? What's going to happen when Michael wakes up? She had all these questions, but not a single answer.

Alex was exhausted, but still spent most of her time in the training room. The exercising helped keep her mind off of everything. She was throwing punches at the punching bags. Every punch was backed up by the anger she had for Amanda. How she has Sean, how she's hurting her family. Each thought made each punch more powerful than the last. "Ow!" Alex heard come from behind the punching bag.

Owen came out from behind the bag. "Someone's been practicing her punch," He said with a sarcastically but flirty.

Alex didn't lose any focus, "Do you want to find out".

"Do you want to spar?" he smirked

"If I do will you finally go away?"

Owen could tell Alex was exhausted. He knew he had to be careful. "Only if you win."

Alex punched the bag one more time, "Fine".

They both met on the mat and faced each other. Owen saw Alex had a strange look on her face, it was filled with anger and fatigue. He could tell something was wrong. "Well are you going to fight, or what?" Alex sneered.

Owen came at her with a few swings and kicks. She blocked them, but grabbed one of his arms and put him in a hold. "I thought the guardians were supposed to be tough."

Owen flipped backward, out of the hold and tripped Alex from behind. She landed face up on the floor and Owen landed right on top of her. Their faces were only inches away. Alex's heart started to beat out of control. Owen started to come closer, Alex leaned forward. She didn't think she just acted. She and Owens lips met. The warm touch of his lips felt like silk to her. She ran her fingers through his hair. Owen slowly backed up. Alex looked in disbelief of what she had just done. She got up and walked away.

She didn't say one word to Owen. She couldn't believe it. She loved Sean. She never wanted to be with anybody but Sean. So why did she do it? She couldn't think of an answer. "It was just a spur of the moment. That's all." She told herself.

The stress was getting to her. She was doing things she would never have done otherwise. She had to get Sean back NOW.

"Alex!" Nikita yelled, "Michael just woke up!"

Alex ran with Nikita to medical. When they got there what they saw shocked them. Most of the personal from medical were on the ground unconscious. Michael was standing there using one of them as a hostage. "Where's Elizabeth and Haley!" He yelled.

Nikita was shocked. He didn't remember anything that happened in the last couple of years. Alex didn't know this but Elizabeth was Michael's wife and Haley was his daughter, but they were both dead and he didn't remember. "Michael relax, it's me Nikita. Remember?" she said trying to calm him down.

"Take one more step and I'll break his neck!"

Nikita backed up. "Just relax, and let him go."

"Not until you bring Elizabeth and Haley here!" He was becoming more impatient.

Alex didn't know what to. She figured it was best to let Nikita handle this. "We can talk about this just let him go and I'll answer all of your questions. I promise." She still tried to persuade him.

Michael's hands started to tighten and he began to turn the medic's neck, when Michael just fell over. Behind him revealed Birkoff with a tranquilizer pointed at Michael. Alex and Nikita looked at him. "I didn't see anyone else had an idea. What was I supposed to do," Birkoff said.

Nikita went to Michael to check to see if he was okay. A tear streamed down her cheek. Her own Fiancé had no clue of who she was. How was she going to explain everything that happened to his family?

For now they put Michael back into the medical bed and strapped him down, so when he woke up he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. "What are you going to do?" Alex asked her.

"I don't know, but there has to be a way to bring his memory back."

**I didn't have many idea's for this chapter. But a quick shout out to Alexandra Udinov the fanfiction author for getting me into writing this kinda stuff. and Wootar16 for being the first to review any of my stuff, check out there stories. If you have any thoughts or ideas please PM me or put them in the review and i might put them in the story.**


	5. Chapter 5

It had been three days since Michael had woken up. There was still no progress with him remembering anything, but Nikita didn't lose any faith. She spent any moment possible just sitting with him trying to figure out how. She tried to avoid the question of what happened to his family, every time he asked. Each day became harder for her to fight away the tears. This was one of the strongest battle's she ever had to face.

Alex was under so much stress it was becoming over whelming. She hadn't slept at all in the three days. She was sparring with other agents whenever she got the chance. She had been sparring so hard that she sat down on a bench. She figured that she might be able to get some sleep. But when she closed her eyes all she saw was Sean's face. Amanda had been torturing him, because of her. He had a black eye and scratches all over his face. "I thought you would save me. I just thought you loved me, I guess I was wrong." He said.

Alex opened her eyes and jumped off of the bench_. How can I sleep, when every moment I waist Sean is being tortured? _She thought. She took a deep breath and started to walk to her room. When all of a sudden her legs started to feel weak and she fell against the wall. "Alex."

Alex saw Nikita running to her. "Alex what's wrong?"

Nikita was holding Alex from falling to the ground. Then she noticed it. Alex was over exhausted. She could barely hold her eyes open and had bruises all over her body from all the sparring. The room started to spin for Alex. She could barely stand at all, until she finally passed out.

All of a sudden she was running through Amanda's mansion. Every door led to another door. Her heart was pounding faster and faster. "ALEX!" She heard Sean yell for her. "ALEX PLEASE! STOP HER!"

His voice just seemed to echo through the whole house. She was out of breath, but she couldn't stop. Every time she thought she was close he just seemed farther away. Then all of a sudden she came to a locked door. She started to try and open it. "ALEX!" and then she heard a gunshot. It came from the other side of the door. "Sean!" she screamed as she started to bang the door. The door flew open. She couldn't believe what she saw. Her heart felt like it stopped and the air was so cold, as a shiver went down her back.

There was Sean, strapped in a chair, lifeless. There was a blood coming out of a bullet hole right where his heart was. Amanda was standing next to him pointing a gun at him. Tears poured down Alex's face. She ran to his body and clenched his shirt. "No, no, no, Sean please don't leave me."

She turned to Amanda with more rage and fury than ever. "Why? I was doing everything you said!"

"He told me to make the pain stop," Amanda said with glee, "I'm sure the physical pain was nothing to him. I really think the emotional pain was what really made him snap. Then I did what he said. He wanted me to end the pain, so I shot and destroyed his heart."

Alex looked back at the chair, Sean's body was gone. When she turned to face Amanda it was Sean. He was standing there instead. His shirt had blood dripping down from the gun wound and his skin was pale. "I thought you were going to save me," his face was emotionless as he spoke, "I guess you didn't love me like I thought."

"I'm sorry!" tears were like waterfalls on her face, "I'm so sorry. I love you Sean. I tried, I tried."

Then, out of nowhere Sean was gone. "SEAN!" she screamed out.

All of a sudden Alex awoke in Division's infirmary. Nikita was sitting next to her trying to calm her down. "Alex it was just a dream, your safe here," Nikita reassured her.

Alex looked around, she saw Michael looking at her with a confused face. "What's wrong?"

Alex looked at him thinking that he might have regained his memory, but after a few seconds she knew he didn't. The face he had showed he didn't remember her at all. A tear ran down her face. "Alex what's wrong?" Nikita asked worried.

Alex just remained quiet and tried not to look at Michael. "You haven't been sleeping or eating. You've been sparring nonstop. I know something is bothering you."

Alex remained quiet as another tear ran down her face. She was trying so hard not to cry. "We can't help you if you don't tell us what's going on," Nikita had sincerity in her eyes.

Alex paused for a moment. She knew that no matter what she did someone would get hurt, and she wasn't able to figure anything out by herself. _Is this the only thing I can do? What other choice do I have? What will Nikita do to me? It's my entire fault that Michael, her fiancé, ant even remember her…._

**Oooooo cliffhanger lol. Sorry this is a short chapter I'm seriously running on empty for ideas, I only have one or two at the moment. So please post some ideas or pm me. It might help me. New season coming up! Yay **** Enjoy!**


	6. Chapter 6

Alex held so much fear in her mind. Her heart started to beat faster and faster. She could barely breathe. _It's now or never. It's my only chance at this rate._ Nikita was staring at her. She could tell that Alex wanted to say something, but she didn't want to pressure her to tell her. She just wanted to be there for her. "I need to tell you something," Alex's body tensed up.

She was emotionally preparing for whatever Nikita was going to do to her once she told her. Alex took a deep breath. "Sean's in trouble and I don't know what to do," her eyes were becoming teary.

Nikita remained quiet and sat on the edge of Alex's bed. She put her hand on her shoulder, but before she could Alex sat up and hugged her. "I'm so sorry it's my entire fault," Alex wasn't even trying to hold back the tears. She didn't care, she just wanted Nikita's forgiveness.

Nikita was confused, why she was apologizing to her if it was Sean who was in trouble. Nikita hugged Alex back. She could feel Alex's tears on her shoulder. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Alex was filled with so much remorse.

"I'm sure Sean doesn't blame you for anything. There's no reason to feel sorry," she tried to cheer her up.

"I'm not talking about Sean," she said with guilt

Alex backed away from the hug. She looked Nikita in the eyes, she could tell that Nikita was confused. Tears were running down Alex's face. "I'm sorry," she paused for a moment, "to you."

Nikita became even more confused. "You haven't done anything wrong." She gave her a smile to try and cheer her up, but she could tell it wouldn't work.

It was hard but Alex tried to stop sobbing for a few seconds. With all the might in her heart, she did one of the hardest things she has ever done. "I gave Amanda the location to your house," she began to bawl again, "It's all my fault Michael lost his memory."

Alex began to shake with fear. Nikita's face was emotionless for a second as she stared at Alex. Nikita looked at Michael, who was standing there with a confused face. She was filled with betrayal, sadness, anger, every emotion. She didn't know what to feel.

Nikita just stood up without saying anything to Alex. She began to walk away when Alex grabbed her wrist. "Amanda made me! She's going to kill Sean and me if I don't do what she says. I'm so sorry!" tear were rushing down her cheeks.

Nikita didn't say anything, she didn't even look Alex in the eye. She just ripped her wrist away and left with Michael behind her.

Alex wrapped her armed around her knees, and buried her face. _I didn't know what else to do. Everything I could do ended with someone would get hurt. I was just trying to protect everyone. I have seen my loved ones get hurt, I thought that was the hardest thing, but I never was the cause of the pain before now. First it was Sean, then Michael, then Nikita. I have hurt and lost everyone that ever cared about me. What's the point in fighting a battle that no matter what I do I lose._

She wiped away the tears and got dressed. She began to head out of Division, she needed to get out and get some fresh air. She got in her car and drove to her apartment. She got in the elevator to go up to her apartments floor. As the elevator went up she felt tears crawl down her face. _I need to hold it together. I'm stronger than this._ She swept away the tears with her sleeve. Once the elevator opened she walked down the hallway. When she turned the corner, she stopped for a second. There were roses at her front door. She walked over to them and noticed a card. It was sealed and hidden between the flowers. After everything that happened, she still was able to get a warm feeling from this. She brought the flowers inside and put them in a vase. She pushed her hair back and smelled them. They smelt lovely and freshly picked. Whoever put them at her door must have done it within a few minutes of being here, but she didn't see anybody when she came up. _Hopefully the card will tell me who left these. _She opened it she saw that it only had poem.

Butterflies are God's ways of saying second chances are real,

But they also mean after everything you can still blossom into something beautiful,

That no matter what you may believe to be a big deal,

No matter what you believe is truly cruel,

You can still turn into what you want in life in the end,

Just wait it out, all friend ships you can mend.

She started to blush. A smile was drawn across her face. She turned the card over to see who it was from, but there was no name. _Could this be from Nathan? I just saw him a week ago after he got back from his trip in the Caribbean, but I haven't talked to him since then. It couldn't be from Michael, he still doesn't even know who I am. I doubt it was Owen. He probably still has feeling for his dead ex Emily. Was this part of Amanda's plan? For now I just need to figure everything out everything that's going with Nikita, Michael, and Sean. _

Alex sat down on the couch and put her feet up. She took a deep breath, it was nice for her to finally be able torelax. She glanced over at the roses and smiled again. For now she was going to take at least twenty minutes to forget about everything. She decided to turn on the TV and watch the news. Out of nowhere the remote fell to the floor. Alex jumped up. Her heart stopped and her mouth dropped. It was Sean. He was on TV with Amanda….

**A/N CLIFFHANGER! Lol I'm starting to get a few ideas for the story now. I hope everyone who Is reading it likes it. Reviews and ideas are enormously appreciated. I can't wait for the next episode of Nikita. Michael and Alex kiss in the preview! I know it said it was part of the mission but im still grossed out at the fact. I cant be the only one, right? But anyway im sorry all the chapters are short im not the kid of person that has a lot of time on my hands to right 5k chapters, but I still hope you enjoy.**


	7. Chapter 7

Alex's heart was beating a mile a minute. Amanda was in the background, in the crowd behind Sean. _What's going on? Why is Sean on TV with Amanda?_

"Sean Pierce, the son of the now deceased senator Madeline Pierce, has come to the presses with an announcement that he believes will change the world," the news reporter said.

The camera made a close up on Sean as he began to give his speech. "People of America, many of you may have known my mother Madeline Pierce. She was a great leader of our people, even if many people thought otherwise. She loved everyone, even when they messed up and were sorry."

Suddenly, out of nowhere there was a gun shot.

Time felt as if it was standing still for Alex. Her heart fell to the bottom of her stomach. She watched as Sean fell to the ground. Her hand covered her mouth in shock. People were screaming and running around, but the news caster stayed there. "Sean Pierce has been shot!" you could tell he was scared, "there was a gun fire of some sort most likely it come from one of the buildings behind me."

There were so many sirens in the background. Cops were rushing around, medics were racing to Sean. Alex shook her head in disbelief. _How could this happen? Did Amanda find out that she told Nikita? How? This wasn't supposed to happen. It's all my fault._

Alex's eyes were glued to the TV. The camera man zoomed in on Sean. It was hard to see Sean through all the chaos. When there finally was a clearing she saw Sean. He wasn't moving, medics were signaling for help. "We're losing him, we need more help," you could barely here one a say.

Alex fell to her knees. She was watching the man she loved lose his grip on life. She gained the strength to reach for the phone. She started to dial, but stopped. _Why would Nikita help me? I destroyed the one she loved. Why would she help me save the man I love?_

She grabbed her car keys, and ran out the door. She rushed to her car and raced to division. She kept the news coverage playing on the screen of the car. "I've just got word that Sean Pierce is being rushed to the hospital in critical condition. The only information that has been released, is that the bullet punctured a major artery," the reporter said.

With that statement, Alex floored the gas petal. She didn't care about any of the cops, she just wanted to get to Division.

Once she got to Division she leaped out of her car. Her feet felt as if they couldn't move fast enough. She went in the elevator and down to the armory. Tears seemed to appear on her face, but she knew there was no time for that. She suited up with weapons, when the earpiece that was in her pocket buzzed. She put it her ear, and heard a voice that made her heart rage with hate. "Hello Alex. I assume you've heard the news."

"Amanda I swear you better start running. The moment I catch you, you are going to feel more pain then you can ever imagine," hatred consumed Alex's voice.

"Oh Alex, I'm not going to run. Have you forgotten that I can drop you at any moment?" she paused to rev in the satisfaction, "I told you not to tell Nikita, and you did. So I kept my side of the terms. But poisoning him would be too simple. No, I decided to make it more of a statement."

Alex knew what she had to do. Nothing was going to stop her. She loaded up all her guns. She was done with Amanda, she couldn't bother to hear another word of her harassing voice. Alex took out the earpiece and threw it on the floor. With so much anger built up, she smashed it with her foot. She left the armory. She was so focused on getting Amanda that she ran into someone. She looked up to see Owen standing there with a worried face. He was hiding something behind his back.

"I heard what happened with you and Nikita. Are you ok?"

Alex was in a hurry and didn't have time for this. "It will be after I leave for Amanda".

Alex rushed past Owen. Unexpectedly she felt him grab her hand. His fingers interlocked with hers. "Tell me what you're going to do," he said soothingly, "If you're going to meet Amanda let me go with you."

"This is my problem not yours, I need to finish it on my own," for a moment Alex forgot about the rage, and felt defeated. _How could all this happen? It was just the other day everything was ok. I was on drugs but it was still better than the feeling of uselessness._

Alex untied her fingers from Owens and walked away. She looked back to see Owen bring a rose out from behind him and look at it. He was the only one who wasn't hurt, she cared for him to much to see him in pain. She knew he would just get hurt, like everyone else if he helped her.

She went to the garage and started the car. The news came back on. "I've just received word about Mr. Sean Pierce. I'm afraid the bullet hit his collar bone and the fragments of the bone punctured his major vane. He died during the operation to remove the fragments."

Alex's heart stopped, it was filled with grief and suffering. _He can't be gone. He couldn't have died. They were supposed to be together. All the disagreements we had, all the arguments, why? I could have done more._

Alex had put the car in reverse and left Division. She began to see raindrops fall onto her car. Her cheeks were smothered with tears. She had to wipe her eyes every few minutes just to see the road. "Alex come in," She heard the car speakers say, "Its Nikita. What are you doing?"

"I'm going after Amanda. She killed him Nikita. She killed Sean!"

There was a sudden silence between them. "We know about the capsule of poison. Birkoff found the signal Amanda is using to control it. Birkoff can't terminate it. If you go there Amanda can and will kill you."

"Because of her I have hurt everyone I love. I have hurt you, Michael, and now Sean is dead. I'm not going to let her live and get away with this," she clenched her gun tightly.

"Alex we can figure out a way to get Michael's memory back. Just turn the car around."

There was a pause. Nikita was waiting for a response. "Alex, going there is suicide. You go there and there's no way you can survive." There was silence. "Alex!" Nikita yelled with worry.

Alex took a deep breath, "I know."

**A/N: So i have decided on a few things. There might be only 2-3 chapters left in this story. sry im just out of ideas :(. but i hope i can make a different Nikita story thats even better. Will Amanda live or die, im going to let you guys decide. Vote yes or no in the reviews or Pm me. Thanks again to everyone who reads this story. you guys make my day :)))**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you to everyone who voted, it was really close. The best part is that the private messages decided what would happen so you're going to have to read the story to find out what happens! :P Enjoy!**

"Alex don't do this!" Nikita begged. She would do anything to change Alex's mind.

Alex took a deep breath, "Good bye Nikita."

She put her arm under the dashboard and ripped out the cord to the speakers. Her heart was breaking. She couldn't take talking to Nikita anymore. She knew what she had to do.

All the great times she had with Sean came flooding back into her head. The way her fingers felt as she ran them threw his hair. The way his smile made her feel better when something was bothering her. He knew everything about her, her past as a drug addict and a sex slave, and he didn't care. He just loved her for her. Even if she didn't say it enough, she loved him. If he would die for her, she would die for him. She couldn't live in a world without Sean in it.

Before she knew it she was half a mile away from Amanda's mansion. She pulled to the side of the road and turned the car off. Amanda's mansion was surrounded by forest. From here she would walk through the trees, that way Amanda's guards wouldn't see her coming. She checked her gun for bullets, and put a black bladed knife in her boot. She left the car and began to walk. The rain began to become stronger and the thunder became louder. Within minutes she became drenched. _At least the thunder will mask any sounds that I might make from Amanda's guards._

After about fifteen minutes of walking she had seen the first guard. She hid in the dark behind a bush. "Area sixteen all clear," he said to his earpiece.

Right when the guard walked by her, she made her move. She kicked the guard's legs from underneath, and flew to the ground. She tried to knock him out with her gun, but he knocked it out of her grip. He grabbed her by the throat and lifted her up with both hands. She was carried several feet to where her back was to a tree. She could feel her body begging for oxygen. She grabbed his hands and tried to use pressure points to make him let go, but it didn't work. Her vision was becoming blurry. She could tell she was about to blackout. She stretched her arm for her boot. She felt the knife's handle on her fingertips. With one swift motion she grabbed the knife and cut his throat.

They both fell to the ground. Alex was gasping for breath. She looked over at the guard's body. His face was covered with blood as he laid there motion less. She realized that she didn't have time for that. Fear began to enter her body. She was searching for the gun. She was throwing leaves everywhere with desperation. Even with the flashes of light from the lightning it was still too dark. _ If I can't find the gun I'll be left with killing Amanda with a knife. _

After a few minutes of searching she realized it was hopeless, there was no way she would be able to see anything. She hid the body and decided to move on. From then on she would try to hide from the guards instead of fighting them. It was challenging, she saw guards every five minutes. She would hide in trees, bushes, and behind logs. But she finally arrived at the house. She quickly scanned the back for cameras and guards. The guards were on the side of the house smoking and not paying any attention to their jobs, but there were at least two cameras.

She would have to move carefully if she was going to enter the house undetected. She got as close to the house as possible without entering the cameras' points of view. She figured that if she moved when the lightning flashes that she would have a few seconds before the cameras regained their focus. When the first lightning struck she made her move. She got past the first camera perfectly, and hid behind one of the columns. There was only one camera left and she would be inside. All of a sudden she heard the guards begin to walk back. They must have finished their cigarettes. Alex closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. She was hoping for a miracle, she decided to just run for the door. Luckily for her there was a lightning flash and the cameras didn't see her.

She was inside. Alex let out a sigh of relief, as she was able to get inside without being seen. _Now for Amanda._

The mansion was spooky. There were no lights on and every sound of thunder added to the scariness. Alex slowly maneuvered through the house slowly, hiding from cameras and guards. It took her awhile, but she came to the hallway where the door to where Amanda was at. The door was guarded by two guards. Both the guards were heavily armed and physically powerful as well. Knowing she only had a knife, Alex searched for anything that might help, when she noticed a vase on a pedestal across from her. It would have to do, she decided. She went over the vase and knocked it over. It went crashing to the floor and the sound of it echoed through the hallway. Alex raced to the window and hid behind the curtains. She listened as she heard the footsteps of the guards walk past her. She quietly dashed for the door, as they went to check out the sound.

Amanda was just beyond this door. Alex took her blade out a clenched it in her hands. _Your time has come Amanda. It's time you pay for all the pain you have caused. It ends for the both of us right here._

Alex slammed the door open and rushed in. She sprinted towards Amanda with knife at hand. "Amanda you'll regret what you did!" she screamed with anger at her.

With only a few steps left Alex began to feel a sudden surge of pain in her body. She slowly fell to her knees and began to shake. The grip on the knife was lost. She watched as the knife gradually fell to the ground. She could feel the red crimson blood fall from her nose. The guards ran back and aimed their guns at Alex. "Wait," Amanda walked over to her, "Relax Alex I made sure it wouldn't be quick. You still have a few minutes left," Amanda gloated.

With her quick burst of anger Amanda kicked Alex in the face. Alex face thrashed to the floor. "That's for betraying me," she fixed her skirt and walked back to her desk and sat down, like she was watching a show, "I am surprised though. I thought you would have come with help, but by the sound of knowing coming you must have come here alone."

Amanda smirked, "Isn't that what got you stuck in this situation in the first place?"

"You killed Sean!" Alex screamed with all the energy she felt she had.

"I didn't kill him Alex, you did. If it wasn't for you I would have no reason to harm him. But I'm amazed that even in death Sean forgave you."

Alex began to tear up, "He didn't forgive me. He hated me with his last breath."

"O Alex, since it's your last moments alive I'll enlighten you. Do you recall Sean last words, his speech?"

Without any words Amanda could tell by Alex's face that she remembered. "When he said that his mother loved everyone, even when they messed up and were sorry, he was talking about you. He was saying that even though you messed up to the point where he lost his life that he still loved you."

Tears were falling to the floor as Alex felt sorrow. Alex's vision was being over whelmed by darkness. She knew these were her last moments alive. She failed to avenge Sean and there was nothing left she could do but slip away. All the pain she was feeling was drifting away. When out of nowhere, she heard gunshots. With the blurry vision she had left, she was able make out the two guards falling to the ground. There was a figure behind them with a gun pointed at Amanda. "How are you here?" Amanda said with worry.

When a gun shot rang out. It was hard to focus, but Alex saw the blur of Amanda fall to the ground. "Alex!" the figure with the gun raced over to her, "Hang in there it's going to be all right, I have the antidote."

She tried to focus, when she realized the blur looked like Sean. He took out a needle and struck her in the arm. She felt the antidote spread through her body. The pain began to desert her body. Her vision was becoming clear. She blinked at Sean and suddenly realized it was Owen. Owen came to save her. There were tear running down his face, "Don't ever do that again."

"I have her. I made it just in time and the antidote is working," he spoke into his earpiece as he wiped away the tear, "She's stable we'll wait here for extraction.

She looked next to her and saw Amanda's lifeless body next to her. Her eyes were open staring at Alex. She was finally able to get revenge.

**Thank you to everyone who voted it was really close. I hope you liked this chapter. I'm just letting you know this is NOT the last chapter. **** I got some more ideas. I hope you guys keep reading. Write some reviews on what you wish to happen. Spoiler to all the people who didn't see the most recent episode of Nikita, I can't believe Michael lost his hand! The next episode looks so good. CANT WAIT! Reviews much appreciated**


	9. Chapter 9

It was the day she hoped she would never live to see. She didn't want Nikita or anybody with her. She needed to do this on her own.

Alex grabbed her black coat and gloves from her closet and the white rose on her dresser. Right above the flower was a picture of her and Sean together taped to her mirror. As she slowly picked up the flower she stared at the picture. Her eyes were beginning to water. _We seemed so happy back then, like nothing could hurt us. I thought we were going to be together forever._

Sean had the smile that was so wide that you could see both dimples. His soft brown eyes contained so much joy. This was the only picture she had of the two of them. It was dangerous to keep a picture, but it was entirely worth it. This was the last thing she had to remember him by. It was a little wrinkled from folding it, yet it was seemed perfect.

While a tear ran down her face, she gently untapped the picture, trying not wrinkle it anymore then it was, and placed it into her pocket. She wiped her face with her sleeve and checked the mirror to make sure she looked presentable. Her hands were shaky, but she knew this was the best she could manage. She glanced at the clock and noticed she was going to be late. She rushed out of her apartment and down to her car. She sat down and had put her hand open between the seats, as if Sean was going to interlock their fingers. She could still smell Sean's cologne from their last mission together. It somehow made her feel safe, but it truly didn't even come close to filling any part of the hole in her heart. She shook her head trying to get herself to focus, and began the long drive to the cemetery.

Each passing moment she drove was too long. She could feel the lump at the bottom of her throat building up. _If only this was a dream. I would wake up next to him, looking into his deep eyes. He would kiss my forehead. I would tell him that I loved him. I would tell him I loved him every day. But it's not; I'm never going to see him again. _

She arrived at the cemetery, but parked a block away. There would be press there. She couldn't risk being seen. She walked over to a couple of tomb stones, they were pretty far away. She couldn't hear them, but she could see them. That's all that truly mattered to her. The service hadn't even started yet but the press was everywhere. She could feel that Sean was with her. She closed her eyes and could imagine him standing next her. "It means more than anything that you came," Sean's voice calmly echoed.

"It's my fault you died. I would never miss this." She whispered, holding the lump in her throat down.

"It doesn't matter if it was your fault. I'm just glad that I had a chance to love you," he smiled.

She paused. The words I love you meant everything to her. "What am I supposed to do now that your gone," she spoke under her breath.

"I can't stand to have you crying anymore. You have suffered too much. As much as it will hurt, you need to move on. If thinking about me hurts you, you need to let me go," his voice started to tremble.

Alex could feel as if he had his arms around her. "I could ever do that, no matter what I can never forget about you. I love you."

"I'll always love you. I'll always be with you. I just can't let you live with so many tears," He kissed her forehead.

She opened her eyes, there were only leaves falling from the tree next to her. And yet still felt Sean's lips as if he was actually there. For once in what seemed like forever, she smiled. She felt as if a huge part of her heart was filled a little. He wasn't really there, but to Alex he was always with her.

She realized the service had started and was almost over. She could barely hear the priest as he prayed for Sean. When he was over, a line of soldiers came and gave him a twenty-one gun salute. Each gun signified his entire honor. He had more honor than ever. He fought for and died for the people he loved. The soldiers finished firing and began to wrap up the flag. They handed the gently folded flag to one of the sisters. Even from where Alex was she could see her trembling. The soldier saluted her and marched off.

Even after the end the family stayed there forever an hour. The press and everyone else left, but they were still by his grave. Even if there was no press, she let them have all the time they needed. Alex would wait all day and night just to have her good byes.

It was about four hours later when they were able to leave. The sun was beginning to set when Alex finally was able to walk over and see Sean's grave. It was covered in flowers from all his family members and government officials. The tomb stone read, "_With honor and pride, he lived and he died, he will be loved, and will never be forgotten."_

Alex didn't know what to say. No words ever needed to be spoken for him to know how she felt. She loved him and he knew that. Tears were slowly making their way down her cheeks. She tried to wipe them away, but there was no luck, she couldn't stop. She went into her pocket and took out the photo.

It was gently starting to calmly drizzle. She opened the picture and looked at it. Drops of rain were gradually falling on it. She stroked the picture with her finger, wiping away the water. Their smiles were perfect. You couldn't get a better photo of them even you tried.

She walked over to his grave and kneeled in front of it. "No matter what happens I'll always love you," she peacefully laid the photo on it. She got up and stared at two of them. Before walking away she said three words, "I love you".

**Even if this story becomes and Owen/ Alex story now or not, I should still let there be a final goodbye to Sean.. Idk if this should become an Olex story or not. I hope you like it. I hope you enjoyed reading the story so far. Thanks for all the reviews **


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry this isn't a new chapter. This is just to let people know that this story ended because people wanted it to end with Sean's funeral.

BUT ITS NOT OVER. For the people who wanted it to continue it is. The story is called Under Amanda's Control Aftermath. It's an Alex story, to see if she can move on or not. Please read!

s/8959939/1/Under-Amanda-s-Control-Aftermath

Really Little preview:

Without hesitation Owen put his arms around her and brought her close. His hug made her feel safe. She buried her face in her chest. "It's all my fault!"


End file.
